Hello, Meta? It’s Me, Annie

I thought it would be easy.  Like piece-of-cake easy.  I’d already done the hard part—picked the topics, wrote the “mostly true” stories with just the right amount of embellishment, and landed a catchy title. If I do say so myself, this book was destined to be a slam-dunk, instant bestseller.

But I was getting ahead of myself. Waaaay ahead. Before I could even think about what I’d wear to accept my Pulitzer, I had to actually publish the book. And sell a gazillion copies. Which required something wildly outside my pay grade: knowing how to get it done.

Turns out, writing 60 “mostly true” tales and making hundreds of women laugh wasn’t enough. There’s a whole world of things you need to understand before your book-baby is born—and it all falls under one ominous heading: METADATA.

“What the heck is metadata?” I muttered while scrolling through the “Quick FAQs” on Amazon KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing). I felt the cloud of uncertainty begin to rain on my parade. Everything had been going so smoothly… until I hit this one very big, four-syllable word.

I even looked it up: “a set of data that describes and gives information about other data.” Well, that cleared absolutely nothing up. I know what “data” is—information, all kinds of it. But “meta”? What even is “meta”? All I wanted was to publish my book. Now I needed to understand Greek prepositions?

Then it hit me: I knew exactly who could help. Mark Zuckerberg. Yes, the Mark Zuckerberg, 41-year-old founder of Facebook turned gazillionaire. He renamed his company “Meta,” so surely he knew what it meant—and how I could get some of that metadata magic to launch my book.

Ring, ring. Ring, ring.  “Hello, Meta Corporation? Is Mr. Zuckerberg available?”

“Who may I say is calling?” chirped the receptionist.

“I’m a budding writer-slash-Pulitzer-prize-winner and I really need to talk to Mr. Zuckerberg.”

 After several transfers and a few minutes of confusion, I realized the receptionist wasn’t real. It was an AI voice attendant programmed to screen calls. More waiting, more transfers, and finally—Zuckerberg’s office.

“Hello, how can we help you?” asked what I hoped was a real person.

“I was hoping to speak with Mr. Zuckerberg. I need help understanding what ‘meta’ means.”

“Mr. Zuckerberg is currently building the metaverse and isn’t taking calls. Let me transfer you to Public Relations.”

“Wait, wait, I’ve already been there…”   It was clear I wasn’t going to speak to Mr. Zuckerberg—or any living being—anytime soon. Metadata was going to be a solo mission.

Back to Amazon KDP.  More searching, scrolling, and link-clicking. I briefly considered calling Jeff Bezos, then wisely let that urge pass. I could do this. I would do this.

Then—lightbulb moment—I realized there was one entity that would never put me on hold: AI.

So I asked. And in just a few keystrokes, I had the answers. Metadata is simply the behind-the-scenes intel that helps digital content—like my book—get found, understood, and categorized by platforms like Amazon, Google, or Goodreads. It’s the nitty-gritty: title, author name, description, keywords, ISBN.

My AI assistant handed me a full checklist. I was on my way. Sure, I’m not great at formatting pages or uploading files, but I’d done the writing heavy lifting. And, thanks to my ever-supportive hubby, I hired a publishing firm to make me a star.

While I’m crossing my fingers that Oh, So Many Balls becomes an instant bestseller—complete with confetti cannons and a congratulatory call from Oprah—my real mission is simpler: to make women smile, chuckle, and maybe even snort-laugh in public. If I can deliver a moment of joy between carpool chaos and reheated coffee, I’ve done my job.

And who knows? Maybe I’ll send a few signed copies to Mrs. Zuckerberg and the new Mrs. Bezos. I bet they’ll giggle too—metadata and all. After all, behind every powerful tech mogul is a woman who could use a good laugh and a reminder that juggling life’s chaos is a universal sport.

© 2025  Annie Sokoloff