You really couldn’t miss it - the banging and occasional colorful language coming from next door. It was a beautiful sunny day and our neighbor’s garage door was wide open, sounds of exertion emanating from the space. What on earth is going on over there I asked myself? Peering over the fence, I saw my best friend Sally and her hubby crouching on the garage floor, panting away.
“What on God’s good earth are you two doing?” I asked a bit trepidatiously; I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know.
“Oh, hi sweetie. I’m sorry if we were making too much noise.” Sally jumped to her feet and ran over to the fence. “Thanks for rescuing me! This humungous piece of body building equipment was delivered this morning, and we are trying to unpack all the pieces. Harry saw it advertised online and insisted on ordering it.”
“I didn’t know you were into body building!” I ventured.
“Well, Harry saw a documentary on aging a few days ago and learned that we lose muscle mass as we get older. He’s concerned that might happen to us so, Harry being Harry, immediately Googled the best muscle-building equipment and voilà; The behemoth is now in my garage, in pieces all over the floor waiting to be put together.”
Stifling a giggle, I asked another, more pertinent question - where did they plan on putting this “contraption.”
“Oh, it’s going in Billy’s old bedroom” came the reply. “Yes, but that’s on the second floor of your house” I said in astonishment. “Do you think that’s the wisest place? How are you going to get all this stuff up there in the first place. It looks awfully heavy to me.”
An annoyed Harry interrupted us: “Sally, are you coming back to help?” Dodging his scowls, I headed back home, fingers crossed for a good outcome.
All was quiet for the rest of the day, and I was just beginning to breathe a sigh of relief when my phone dinged. “Can I come over and vent - I’m about to explode” read the text. Sally arrived before I could take a chilled bottle of wine out of the fridge. Retrieving two glasses, we sat on the deck and enjoyed a few quiet sips.
“So …?” I gently began. Her words came tumbling out faster than hot lava spewing out of a volcano. “Well, let me put it this way - ordering this piece of exercise equipment sight unseen was a big mistake, huge! What was he thinking? I don’t think he realized how much work it was going to be to put it together. We built muscle mass just getting it in the house!”
She went on to relate how it had taken most of the morning just to unpack and take the pieces of the machine up two flights of stairs. The sections were so heavy, they had to stop several times just to catch their breath. On the way up, walls on either side of the stairway were dinged and scraped. When they finally got all the pieces in place her “handy man” just started the assembly without even consulting the directions.
“Harry’s a pretty good “Mr. Fix-it” around the house but this was way out of his league; all he did was yell and snap orders. “Hand me this, hand me that, hold this, go get that. And when something didn’t fit right, it was the manufacturer’s fault. Thank goodness he finally got tired and is taking a nap so I could escape here.”
I refilled her glass, and we commiserated on how men can be a touch stubborn at times, often feeling they must be just like Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor around the house. “Can I ask you a question” I asked. “How does Harry do with following directions? I’m sure the machine came with instructions on how to assemble. Laughing out loud, my friend replied: “He does great with directions! He doesn’t read them at all. He just threw them away with the empty boxes.” We enjoyed our wine and laughed a bit more. It was good to see my friend a little more relaxed.
A few days later she called and asked if I wanted to see the finished product. Placed in the center of the new “home gym,” the piece of equipment was a marvel. If this couldn’t turn you into a mass of toned muscles, nothing could.
“How does it work?” I asked Sally. “Can I get a demonstration?”
“I have no idea” she replied, a slight twinkle in her eye. “The instructions on how to use it are on the back of the assembly instructions Harry threw out.” He’s downstairs right now Googling what to do first.
Wishing her luck, I headed home to do what any good friend would do. I ordered a Muscle Relief Spa Gift Basket with Muscle Recovery Balm, Muscle Relief Bath Salts and a Beeswax Massage Candle. Also included was a poster of Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Universe to hang for inspiration. They’re going to love it!
© 2024 Annie Sokoloff