Once upon a time, not so very long ago, in a living room not very far away, there was a damsel in distress. Well, maybe she wasn’t exactly suffering, but she did have a problem she needed to solve. As her knight in shining armor was not far off, she thought why not run her concern by him, hoping he might listen and possibly offer a suggestion. But, as it so often happens when men are asked to weigh-in on something, things got a little out of hand.
“Hey hon, I’m having a little trouble deciding on the final color scheme for the barbecue fundraiser we’re hosting next week and I wanted to get your thoughts on using yello…“ the damsel began. She had not finished her thought when, quicker than a flash, he was on his phone typing madly. Thinking maybe he hadn’t heard her or, worse, she had been ignored, she tried again:
“Hon, please stop typing! I just need two minutes of your time. I’m trying to find the right color napkins to go with our theme and the event planner is no help. I can’t seem to find the right shade …”
He looked up from his phone and snapped: “No, I heard you. You’re having a problem finding something yellow and you want to fire the event planner. I’m on it. I’ll find you a new event planner and order whatever it is you are looking for. I’m online right now searching for ‘yellow barbecue decorations available for immediate delivery’ and have already lined up a new event coordinator. She’ll be here at noon. You don’t have to thank me. It’s my job to fix any problem you might have.”
Sigh. There it was, one of the seemingly eternal and unsolvable difficulties between men and women: what she says (or tries to), what he hears (but doesn’t), what she wanted in the first place (an ear) vs. what he thinks she wants (him to solve the problem for her).
By now you may have guessed - the damsel in distress is me and I was “this close” to exploding when my phone rang. My best friend Amy listened to my rant for about 30 seconds and offered the best solution I’d heard all day: “let’s go for a walk.”
“Do you ever have an issue like this with Mike?” I asked, still a bit hot under the collar. “I don’t get it - guys don’t listen. They just charge ahead and try to fix whatever they think needs fixing without asking if that’s what’s really needed.”
“Are you kidding?” she replied. “All the time. Last week I briefly mentioned I was having some problems with my computer monitor flickering on and off. I thought it might just need a new cable and ordered one online. But that wasn’t fast - or good enough - for Mike. Next thing you know, he had shut down my laptop, losing all my open files. Then, he uninstalled and re-installed the monitor software and when that didn’t work, he dismantled the whole screen so he could find the real source of the problem and fix it himself. Before I knew it there were cables, wires, and pieces of equipment all over the desk and floor. When he finally put it back together, a few “extra” pieces remained. I know he was just trying to help, but in the end, we had to order a new monitor.”
Hearing Amy’s “helpful hubby” tale of woe lifted my spirits. I decided it was time for a heart-to-heart chat with my own “fixer.” Thanking him for his assistance, I tried to explain that I really had not wanted him to DO anything - I just wanted him to listen. “Ok, you’re welcome, but I don’t understand” he replied. “Why did you bring up your concern in the first place if you didn’t want me to fix it? You know I’m really good at solving problems.”
And there it was, the real stumbling block. Despite everything women have done to prove otherwise, men often still look at us as “damsels in distress” and themselves as “knights in shining armor,” willing and able to slay any dragon they perceive poses a danger.
“I know you’re a good fixer honey.” I smiled, “maybe next time let me finish my sentence, ok?” Giving him a hug, I silently vowed to be a little more careful with my phrasing in the future. I hadn’t really solved the challenge of slowing down my very own “solver-in-chief,” but maybe he he’ll listen next time before he charges off to slay the dragon.
A little while later, I heard the “beep-beep-beep” of a truck backing up our driveway. It was Amazon, dropping off three full pallets of party supplies in the brightest shade of yellow you’d ever seen. What we’re going to do with this much stuff I don’t know, but I can’t help smiling. I may not be a true damsel in distress, but I married the cutest knight in shining armor on the block.
© 2024 Annie Sokoloff